How to Kill a Cockroach in 11 Easy Steps

Should you find yourself at 11:30 pm reading in the bathroom of your new apartment in California because your home has no ceiling lights and your furniture has yet to arrive, and you are rudely interrupted by the sound of a cockroach falling from beneath the sink to the floor here are some very clear instructions on how to kill your intruder.

1. Look up from book and scream.
2. Scream again. Realize husband is asleep and you must face this alone.
3. Grab giant wad of toilet paper.
   
4. Attempt to squish cockroach.
5. Scream yet again as cockroach propels self 8 inches into the air toward you.
6. Regain composure and rethink plan.
   
7. Cover cockroach with Lysol Disinfectant Cleaning Wipe.
8. Quickly, very quickly grab bottle of children's shampoo and pound on wipe till crunching sound confirms the demise of the cockroach.
9. Grimace and gather remains.
10. Run to kitchen and dispose of the body in garbage bag hanging from kitchen hardware.
11. Confirm plans to never walk barefoot without checking floor.